From the time I have joined OCDS, we have been constantly told to read books on the life of Carmelite saints. Since these books are not easily available, I have downloaded few from the internet.
Last week I tried reading "Ascent to Mount Carmel" by Carmelite Doctor of the Church, St. John of the Cross. I just managed to go through the introduction -- I couldn't understand much so I gave up.
Then I read some of the writings of women Carmelite saints. I was filled with jealousy because they addressed Jesus as their 'Beloved' and in some places as 'Heavenly Spouse'. I am jealous because how, I too, wish to call Jesus my 'beloved'. But I have an earthly spouse whom I need to love with a sincere heart. He's my 'beloved'.
Though I love Jesus above all things and above everyone else, it is my foremost duty to love my earthly spouse and daughters. For this reason, Jesus will be my friend -- my bestest friend! Or rather a family friend!
He will be an intimate family friend and I am sure when we do "Lord, Lord" He will take all four of us with Him to our heavenly home.
But the women saints calling Jesus with such love expressions really fills me with jealousy. I might not read books written by them -- I would rather prefer reading books written by men saints!
Nevertheless, yesterday again it occurred to me that if the Lord had to touch my heart during my childhood itself, who knows I might have been leading a religious life right now. Since I came to know Jesus only after my marriage I am sure my marriage to a Christian was just the Lord's way to call me into His marvellous light. He had surely known me since the time of my conception; it was just that He had to make known to me!
Since the time He has made Himself known to me, I am His beloved child...He's is that father and brother whom I never got in my life!
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