How can I love you more, Lord?

Dear DLL Jesus, 

The more I read, the more I wonder. I wonder why only the love of religious men and women, that they bore in their hearts for you, is highlighted especially when they were canonized.😥 Their love for you is highlighted in their writings. 

Why the love of simple lay people, especially women, is not highlighted? Why our writings are not highlighted? I refuse to believe that there has been no ordinary married woman who has loved you wholeheartedly and dedicated her entire life to you - giving up all her vices and deciding to follow you all her life.😥

Your Jubbu is one such married woman who gave up all worldly ways to listen to your voice and dedicated her life to you. I came to know you as a married woman. I have created a world where you have been given priority in whatever I do and I try to do everything as per your will. I have adjusted my life in such a way that I can give first place to you in whatever I do. I am trying to grow in my love for you by reading, writing and studying more about you. Just because I have an earthly spouse doesn't mean that I love you less. In fact, I have even told my earthly spouse that I love you more than him and he's perfectly alright with it. He's happy that I love you more than I love him. 

So I want to ask you whether my love for you is any less than any unmarried religious woman? Do I love you less than them? What more should I do to love you like them? Are you happy with the way I love you? How can I love you more, Lord? Why can't my name be added to the list of women who loved you wholeheartedly; who walked with you when you were here on earth? 

I ask again - what should I do Lord to love you more?😥 Are you happy with my love? Is it enough?

Lord, will you please do it?

"If you ask me for anything in my name, I will do it."

Dear DLL Jesus,

The above verse is from today's gospel, the last line, taken from St. John. My heart is overwhelmed nowadays because of your words of assurance in all the readings. 

Thus today I dare to ask you for Carmel Peace - all for myself!!! Lord, will you please do it? Give me my Carmel Peace forever and ever - without any hesitation and hindrance and reservation - will you please keep my Carmel Peace always close to my heart❤️ because I have always yearned for my Peace of heart and I did not have the slightest inkling that I will ever find my Peace - my Piece - in Carmel and you know very well what that Peace means to me - does to me - all my life I was wandering after the wrong Peace!😥

And now that I have found the right Peace, let it be always mine. Let no one with their charmth and warmth try to snatch this Peaceful Peace from me - it is my peaceful world and it means the world to me.🤗

So, Lord, I ask my Carmel Peace in your name - please let this Peace be given to me till eternity and my Carmel Peace be also made known about the love I bear in my heart ❤️ even though I know, I can actually feel, that my Carmel Peace too knows that I bring love and peace!🤗 

Please Lord please do it for me and my Carmel Peace - this peacefulness - I ask in your name!🙏 Lord, will you please do it?

Wanderlust

"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand."

Dear DLL Jesus,

These verses are from today's gospel and they have always been my favourite.🤗 I am so very thankful to you for your words of assurance. Let no one snatch me from your hand 👏 - please keep me hidden in you and your love 💕 Please keep me away from the worldly pleasures - let me not get distracted by the world - you and my Carmel Peace are my worlds - let me always be in these two places.

Let me always hear your voice and feel secure that I am close to you - I don't want anything else!😥 Only you suffice - and my Carmel Peace that you have given me!🤗 Let me travel to all those places where Carmel Peace exists - I did not know that I liked travelling so much. In fact, I want to travel to only those places where Carmel exists. I am amazed to realize that all the places where Carmel exists are so beautiful. No wonder then the meaning of Carmel is "a beautiful garden" - every monastery and every spirituality centre has such beautiful names and beautiful gardens - filled with the beauty of nature and there's always a river flowing close by!🤗 What a privilege to live in the lap of nature!🤗

So Lord I want to travel to these beautiful places at least once in my life. I did not know I had this wanderlust in me!🤗

In Your Time.......

Dear DLL Jesus,

While looking at some of the church photos in Mangalore, I realized yet again, that I had not been inside any of your churches during my childhood years in Bhilai and Durgapur. I don't even know the names of any churches in both these places. But that doesn't mean that these places don't have any churches.

The first church or rather a Mass that I ever attended was in Vasai. It was a Sunday evening and I had gone with our new neighbour. It was not a proper church at the junction of two roads. I think it was some kind of grotto where the Mass was celebrated. People just gathered at the corner of the two roads. They kept standing during the entire Mass.

And I couldn't stand for so long and thus fainted. I don't know which month it was but it was certainly after the SSC exams and I had a lot of holidays and so went for the Mass with the new girl I had befriended. 

Recently when I was recalling this incident of fainting, I felt like Nathaniel under the fig tree. I have even written about it to you that how after so many years when I think of that incident I feel like Nathaniel whom you saw under the fig tree. You had seen me during that fainting incident and must have felt bad for me and so made me your own.🤭 Or may be you had known me right from my mother's womb and that Sunday just wanted me to attend my first Mass. And you made it memorable by causing that fainting incident.🤭 I don't know - it's you who knows everything!

But the long and short of this conversation is that in my childhood years I had never been inside a church! What a loss because all churches are so beautiful - indeed your Bride - and that's the reason so decked up for her Bridegroom!🤗

Yet again the same question arises in my heart - why was I not given my Carmel Peace earlier than the time I got it?

I have the answer as well - "In your time, you make all things beautiful in your time."😥

Guide me, Holy Spirit!

"Do you understand what you are reading?" And he said, "How can I, unless someone guides me?"

Dear DLL Jesus,

These verses from the Acts of the Apostles Chapter 8 describe the story of my life right now. There are so many things about you that I keep reading all the time but unless someone guides me properly how will I understand them all. The deep meaning hidden in the layers of the Scriptures that are not at all fathomable when we read them for the first time. There are many layers to these verses that apparently seem easy but are not - that's why I have always wanted to do an in-depth study of the Bible - as it is a treasure trove!

Finally you are opening this treasure trove to me by fulfilling the desire of my heart through the online "Bible Theology and Biblical Spirituality" certificate course from St. Peter's Pontifical Institute, Bengaluru.🤗 This course begins from June.

And then in July and November I will be at Dhyanavana, Mysuru, to attend a plethora of courses.🤗 I am so very excited and looking forward to doing those courses. 

I will be sitting and staying and also praying at one of the most beautiful places that fall under the KG Province and that has been blessed by the presence of Spirit-filled Carmel Peace.😇 

That's why when Fr. Walter took up these same verses for his reflection during the Holy Eucharist, I listened to him attentively. He said that we must pray for the Spirit to guide us to understand these Scriptures because Jesus himself has appointed the Holy Spirit as our guide and advocate. 

So Lord I pray that the Holy Spirit guides me during my studies online as well as at the beautiful Dhyanavana to meditate upon your words and understand them accordingly. May I not be in a dreamland🤭 especially in November!!!🤭

Your House, Your Home!

Dear DLL Jesus,

Today I have a lot to tell you.

Firstly, I am very happy to see this photo from 2010 come up on Facebook memory. How beautiful and innocent they both were 13 years ago! They still are but sadly the same attachment is missing!😥 But they are the best - never troubled us - no complaints ever from the school or the creche or the neighbours when they played in the garden! Till today we don't face such problems.🙏 So they are the best girls you have given us. Thank you so much, Lord!

"Thank you for the sun and moon" - that's what today's recessional hymn was!😇

I also want to focus on the response to today's Psalm - "There is one thing I ask of the Lord, to live in the house of the Lord." Please Lord let me always live in your house and study to grow in my loving relationship with you and feel secure in your house. I don't want to be anywhere else.

And that's the reason even our house is not getting sold even after so many attempts since 2014 - because it has been blessed by you during the vision that I saw in Tabor in 2013.🙏 That's what even the first reading is all about - "If the message is of human origin, it will fail. If the project or action is from God, then nothing can destroy it." The words of Gamaliel to the Sanhedrin. And I passed on this message to hubby as well who is trying to sell off the house.😥

I am so convinced that I will not be going anywhere from this house as you have blessed it and sprinkled your precious blood all over the place!🙏😇🙏 And this is your house, your home and I welcome you today and tomorrow and always! Please stay with us in this house and never leave us and please don't allow us to leave it - let us all stay together happily ever after!!!🤗🤗

Eight Months Without Minnie😥

Dear DLL Jesus,

Today is the eighth month without Minnie!😥 So I wanted to offer flowers to her. But I had forgotten to buy them yesterday. So in the morning while coming back from the church I looked at every corner to see whether any flower vendor was sitting. But none were there. I was desperate to offer flowers to Minnie because, for the last two months, I have not done so. In February I was travelling back from Mangalore and in March it skipped my mind as it was a Sunday.😥 So today I had to offer flowers to her.😥

So in desperation, I plucked the white vinca flowers from the building plant even though I don't like them. I never liked them.

In 2020 when my blogging was at its peak, I posted about the white vinca plant in my so-called garden in Bhilai. 

This is what I had written:

"There was this drought-tolerant plant near the kitchen window. I was quite indifferent to it as I didn’t like its icy-white flowers. But I am sure I must have watered it every evening. I guess it survived my indifference because the White Vincas love the sun and are low-maintenance plants. These vigorous bloomers form drifts of snowy blooms all summer long. They are resistant to shade, heat, humidity, drought, and insect pests. I remember the White Vinca from Bhilai because of its density and ground-hugging height. It was taller than me in 1988."

🤭🤭 

So today these white vinca flowers from my childhood days in Bhilai came to my rescue.😥

It is you, Jesus!

Dear DLL Jesus,

Since the time I have been getting this desire for attending the courses at Ryshivana and Dhyanavana, I am reminded of some things that the Little Flower wrote in Chapter 8 of her book THE STORY OF A SOUL. While reading this book in February at the beginning of the Lenten season, I knew that these quotes were written for me.🤗

So to begin with, her quote, "I believe quite simply that it is Jesus himself, hidden in my poor heart, Who is mysteriously at work inspiring me from hour to hour with whatever He wishes me to do" is so true. I know you keep inspiring me from hour to hour, minute to minute, second to second. Without your inspiration, I will be a total failure.

Then how true it is when she writes that "He alone can fill the vast abyss of my desires." The desire to be good and to do good and the desire to go for the Lauds in the church and attend daily morning Mass. Thus it's you Jesus who is "always guiding and inspiring me" because you "take into account our weaknesses and knows so well the frailty of our nature." 

And my favourite one, when I read in February and even now, because of which I am writing this post is "He would not inspire me with the desires I feel, were He not willing to fulfil them."

Thus, my Jesus, I am so very sure that it is you and only you who have inspired me with the desire of studying at Ryshivana and Dhyanavana. You have kindled my heart to study - online Biblical Theology and all these courses. You know that I am ready to eat this solid food and I can be taken away from the milk that I was growing on. 

So thank you, Jesus, for this trust in me, and for inspiring me with a desire to know you better by attending these courses.

Precious Day of my Life

Dear DLL Jesus,

I went to sleep immediately after the previous post and I slept quite well. I overslept. And then I had a dream and in my dream, I was at Ryshivana. But no one and nothing was familiar. It was the last day of a retreat and we were given cakes. I ate three cakes.😀 My train was supposed to be leaving from Mangalore station at 5 pm. But I was busy eating the free cakes. Then I realized that only ten minutes were left for my train to leave from Mangalore and I was one and a half hours away from the station. I panicked and stood on the road crying loudly and calling from rickshaws. None of them stopped for me and so I kept crying loudly. I then woke up crying and realized that I had overslept. In my dream I overate and in reality, I overslept. So nothing seems to be going all that well on the 22nd year of my baptism. I have been overthinking since morning and am upset about the thought of not getting a good course that I can do either in Ryshivana or Dhyanavana. I am restless and irritated - not an ideal way to spend the most precious day of my life.😥

Happy Baptism Day to me🤗

Dear DLL Jesus,

It was on this day in 2001 that I was baptized as an adult. From a Bengali Brahmin, I became a Roman Catholic.

I wasn’t glad THEN but I am glad NOW that I was baptized - otherwise, who could I love so much and who would have become my daddy long legs? Who would have stopped me from the vain wanderings in the wilderness and shown me my true Carmel Peace, my CP? 

I was born to be united with you as per the doctrine of St. John of the Cross. If I was not baptized I could not enter Carmelo and I would not have known my Pace and my Pace couldn't set me free. I would have kept wandering and knocking on the wrong doors. I would not have known the great doctors and Saints of the Carmelite Order. My heart just shuddered at this thought and I can feel the tears that are welling up in my eyes. If I was not baptized I would not have known Cloistered Carmel also. My life would have been such a painful one.

Thank you, Lord, for calling me to you and baptizing me, and planting me in the beautiful garden of Carmel. My eyes are now filled with tears and I am still shuddering at the thought of not knowing my CP had I not got baptized. I am tormented now and my vision is blurred because of the tears. 

Now I fully understand the importance of being baptized and I will honour this day more than my birthday as I have been doing for the past few years now. But this year's baptism day is extra special because I realized that I could not even enter Carmelo had I not been baptized. And this realization horrifies me because baptism=carmel=carmel peace. No baptism, no Carmel, no Carmel Peace.😥 So it would have been much better for me to have died in my mother's womb when she tried to get rid of me.😥

But Lord you had other wonderful plans for me🤗 which I can see now for myself.

So a very happy baptism day to me!!!

💖💖

Provincial Chapter

Dear DLL Jesus,

Today the lector assigned to the readings could not make it to the church. So I was asked to do the readings and I did it with great pleasure and confidence. I don't know what made me read the readings yesterday evening at home as a lector.🤗 So in the morning when I was asked to read, I recalled it and went ahead with full confidence.🤗 Thank you, dear Jesus, for this privilege. 

And I read confidently without choking anywhere because there was no early morning sleepy voice today. Also, no early morning swollen eyes and lips that I get each morning from the time I started going to church early. Today there were no swellings and the voice was also better than every day. Thank you so much, Lord. You arrange everything perfectly to glorify your name through the people who love you.💖 Thank you, thank you, thank you!😇

The readings were as follows:

Acts of the Apostles 3: 11 - 26 

Psalm 8: 2ab, 5, 6-7a, 7b-9 

Acclamation: This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice in it and be glad.

Indeed I am so glad today!🤗

Today in the evening the Infant Jesus grotto will be inaugurated after the Mass. But I clicked the photos in the morning as either I may not be able to go for the inauguration or it will be crowded in the evening. I clicked in the dark and daylight - before and after Mass. The face of your infancy stage of life is so beautiful that I fell in love with it at first sight and I could not take my eyes off.🤗🙏🤗

And today again, in fact from yesterday, my heart has yet desired to be at Mysore.🤗

What if I can't be a student there, I can very well go as an OCDS member🤗 - as the President! For the first time, I would like to take advantage of my presidentship.🙏

As informed by Fr. George Santhumayor, the Provincial Chapter will be taking place on 18th April. So in the new Chapter let it be decided that the long-pending Council Members' training will be conducted in Mysore.🤭 And also the Congress in November.🤭 

But as always let your will be done, Lord!😇 If it is your will let me visit Mysore sometime very shortly.😇🙏😇 In 2023.

Calm and Composed

Dear DLL Jesus,

The more I think about it the more I realize that Carmel Peace has changed me. I read the blog post that I wrote in 2020 on the same verses. I realized that my feelings have changed - something I wrote toward the end of the post doesn't resonate anymore - I don't like what I wrote then! But I did not delete it intentionally because I want to keep comparing my feelings post and pre-Carmel Peace days and months and years. I know that I have changed and the old posts will help me to determine this change.

Having said that I am glad to have changed and been able to come out of the situations that dominated my heart then - I have realized that Carmel Peace has set me free from my past debacles and filled me with a peace that only Carmel Peace (CP) could do it. So I have decided to go along with this beautiful change and sober down - just the way I was earlier - no more screaming and shouting but just want to be calm and composed - just like the not-so-good old days. Even though I was struggling with life, I did not scream and shout - I was well-mannered and well-behaved, a girl of few words, and not the garrulous woman that I have become - I want to change for my CP's sake because I sense something beautiful in the future and I want to be like those days when I was good even though my life was not.

That Expensive Ointment

Dear DLL Jesus,

Yesterday was Palm Sunday - your triumphant entry into Jerusalem - and I had been privileged enough to carry the banner of our community - the community started by our Spiritual Director Fr. Melvin in October 2015. I was the first PPC member of our community. But I couldn't handle the post as I could not please the people who were up against me. But the present PPC member has approached me to be an animator - what do you want me to do Lord? I am thinking of taking it up as we should also be serving our community. Lord, please let me know your thoughts and your will on this.

Meanwhile Lord, please help me to faithfully walk with you in this Holy Week - the most crucial week of the year - Lord, help me to feel what you felt when you had to journey this most important week then. Let me journey with you faithfully even though the GJS show has come up as a distraction for me during the Easter Triduum - I know it is a trial for testing my faith as I have journeyed faithfully with you during the entire Lenten season - the GJS show exactly from Good Friday 7 April till Monday 10 April is going to be a tester of my love for you. Lord, help me to conquer these testing days and like you let me come out triumphant on Easter morning - help me to be good and faithful to you Lord!

"Mary therefore took a pound of expensive ointment made from pure nard and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped his feet with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume."

These are yet another favourite verses from the gospel. It is time to do this during the Holy Week. I started it yesterday when I went to the Palm Sunday procession and today to begin the 40 hours of adoration. Last night I went to sleep after midnight but you made it possible for me to wake up early at 4:30 am. I thought since the morning Mass was anticipated for 6 am even the Lauds would be said early. So I reached the church at 5:23 am. But the Lauds were not said. I said it alone before the Mass.

After the Mass, the Monstrance was exposed for 40 hours of adoration. I left a little while later because I will be again going at 8 pm for the community adoration.

I want to be like Mary Lord and anoint your feet with my love. It was her love for you that made her do it - use the most expensive ointment and wipe your feet with her hair. I wish to imitate her - what should I do Lord, what is that one expensive thing that I have that you would like to be anointed with? Please help me to identify it, Lord. Once you help me to identify that one thing I will anoint your feet with that. And let my house and my heart with filled with the fragrance of that one thing.👏

I love you, Lord, my strength

I love you, Lord, my strength; O Lord, my rock, my fortress, my saviour. (Psalm 18: 2-3a)

Dear DLL Jesus,

It was on  31 January 2023 that I started my day by saying the Lauds!😇 That morning when my alarm rang for the second time at 6:15 am I couldn't go back to sleep. I tried to but I could not. So the small soft voice within whispered to me to get up and say the Lauds. So I woke up wide a little before 6:30 am and did my morning prayers - it felt so nice!🤗😇🤗 

So Lord I prayed to you to wake me up every morning to say my morning prayers early! And as always you listened to my prayer and the next morning I woke up at 6:12 am. Since that day with your assistance, I was able to wake up early to say my morning prayers at home around the same time as 6 am. 

Then I went to Ryshivana. As the Lauds are chanted there at 6 am, I joined the Fathers and Sisters in doing so. Then after a break of a few minutes, the Holy Mass is celebrated at the beautiful glass chapel at 7 am. So saying the Lauds and attending the Holy Mass in the morning for a week became a way of life for me. 

This is what I had always desired. But as the distance between the church and home in Mira Road is slightly more than walkable early in the morning, I have always been sceptical to go. But the week-long stay at Ryshivana did wonders for my soul and I finally got the courage to go to the church alone in the morning. 

After deciding to attend the 6 am Ash Wednesday Mass, I have been going for the Lauds at 5:45 am and also attending the 6:15 am Holy Mass. Today I complete five weeks of doing so.👏

A big thanks from the greatest depth of my heart Lord for making it possible for me!👏

I also complete two months of waking up early in the morning.🤗

Lord, you know the desires of everyone's hearts and fulfil them according to their needs. You knew I always wanted to come to the church to say the Lauds but because of the distance, I could not do so. But you fulfilled this desire in your time when you felt I was ready to travel alone in the morning!

So again a big thanks from the very bottom of my heart!❤️ 

As per today's responsorial Psalm, I love you, Lord, my strength; O Lord, my rock, my fortress, my saviour.🙏😇🙏

Constantly Seek His Face.......

"Turn to the Lord and his strength; constantly seek his face. Remember the wonders he has done, his marvels and his words of judgment."

Dear DLL Jesus,

These are the verses of today's Responsorial Psalm 105: 4-5 and I have been thriving to do exactly what the Psalmist is telling us. I have turned to you to find strength in you and seek your face and friendship every day of my life. Lord, I also try to remember all the good that you have done for me from the time I turned to you. I keep writing these posts as a reminder of all your goodness. These are a way of contemplation for me as I engage myself in this loving conversation with you - it is becoming a way of life for me.🤗

And the more I write to you, the more I fall in love with you and the more you bless me. It was your blessing that gave me the idea on this day, or late in the night, in 2021 to launch my magazine Nainen - the woman. Today is the conception day of NAINEN - it will be two years old on 6 May.🤗 And in these two years I have seen so many blessings being poured on nainen and me.🤗 Thank you so much my darling Jesus.♥️

A lot of good things seem to have happened on this day according to Facebook memories. I did a lot of constructive reading and writing on the Carmelite Order during the pandemic in 2020. My faith was strengthened through these readings and writings and even though my hubby and mom tested positive for Covid in 2021, nothing happened to the girls and me even after having all the possible symptoms.😇 We were quarantined in the hall room and suffered a lot because of this but our faith remained intact.🤗

Then over the years, I have written a lot of different posts about the sinful women in the Bible and identified myself in them. So a lot of things have taken place over the years on this day.

Thank you, St. Teresa of Avila!

Dear DLL Jesus,

Today is the birthday of our Foundress and our Holy Mother St. Teresa of Avila. But Jubilee Cardozo of St. Mary Magdalene has been so very busy with her professional writing since yesterday that there has been no time to write to you. Even though I am sorry to have not written to you in the last twenty-four hours, I am extremely grateful for this new height in my writing. Yesterday again I was approached by The Teenager Today to continue writing for them. So since morning, I was busy finishing my Hobby Lobby column for them. This time I wrote about vlogging as a hobby.

I realized that now my writing are been published in the following magazines and a diary:

1) Carmel Light (yearly)

2) The Herald (weekly)

3) LivingWater (monthly)

4) The Teenager Today (monthly)

5) NAINEN (monthly)

6) Jewellers Gallery (bimonthly) 

And the seventh one is the article I wrote for the Ryshivana magazine. Looking forward to seeing it soon.🤗

So, extremely happy and grateful for these writings which keep me spiritually, morally and financially motivated.🤭

Once again a very happy birthday to Santa Teresa because of whom we exist.🫡🤗🫡

Thank you, St. Teresa of Avila for reforming the Carmelite Order and allowing laypeople like us to be a part of it - we owe our charism to you and St. John of the Cross and Blessed John Soreth - a big thanks from the very depth of my heart!!!♥️♥️

Two Desires of my Heart

You delight not in sacrifice and offerings but in an open ear. You do not ask for holocaust and victim. Then I said, "See, I have come."

Dear DLL Jesus, 

These are verses 7-8a from Psalm 40. The entire Responsorial Psalm for the day is so beautiful - especially the response - "See, I have come, Lord, to do your will." 

And Your will is my command Lord because I don't want to do anything against your will. I want to love you and serve you with a sincere heart because it is for this reason that you created me, kept me safe in my mother's womb and finally called me to be with you and with your people - the Carmelites.🤗

Am I overdoing it, Lord? Are you bored listening to the same thing day after day? But what to do Lord - my heart is overwhelmed with Carmel and its Peace. I am sure others will be bored reading what I write. But I am not writing for them - I am conversing with you and I can't think of any other topic to converse about but Carmel.

In the morning when I was making coffee for myself after coming back from the church, suddenly I was in tears. I thought if I am allowed to be born again as a human in my next life what should I choose - become a nun and be inside the Cloistered Carmel or remain outside in the world and become one within the love of Carmel Peace? I was in tears because it was difficult to choose. But immediately I made up my mind to be immersed in the love of Peace right from the beginning of my next life - no more wandering in the wilderness but directly getting consumed by the love of Peace.

Yes Lord, if you give me another life on earth, please let me be united with my Peace right from the beginning! Like this present life, let me not wander in vain and find Peace in the evening of my life. I promise to love you too with equal fervour right from the beginning and not make you wait for my heart to convert - I will respond immediately and not take such a long time.👏

So in my next birth on earth Lord please let me be one with my Peace and let me love you right from the beginning! These are the two desires of the heart with which I will be united with you whenever you decide for me to end my earthly journey.🫡

My Death

Dear DLL Jesus,

Yesterday a very well-known OCDS member from Goa expired. Today was her funeral Mass at the Carmelite monastery in Goa. Nine priests celebrated the Mass. I don't know how to express myself. Life is so unpredictable even though she was battling something incurable. I am so disturbed by this death. The last time I was disturbed by someone outsider's death was that of singer KK whom again I had known and spoken and written about in 1999. He expired in June 2022. 

The thoughts of my death come to me right now. I am not afraid of death. I just want you to give me a good death and a place in your arms. Please give me a peaceful death as I want to die in Carmel in Peace - I am sure it is possible. It will be the last desire of the heart to die before a certain age - yes, not very old. I don't want to die an old lady as my age will be revealed. I want to die while on the younger side. Let my death remain as a sad memory in the deepest corner of Carmel Peace as I will have the privilege to die a Carmelita. I want a death that will grieve my Carmel Peace because there's no deceit in Carmelo Pace.

Yesterday I could not do the readings for today. So it was only during the Mass that I came to know what today's readings were. I like the first reading taken from the Book of Wisdom and even the Responsorial Psalm. I thought of Mio Carmelo Pace when I read the verses of the Psalm. I refuse to believe that there is any deceit in Mio Carmelo Pace - il pace è perfetto 👌🤗👌, unlike others who are filled with mind games. 

It is because of Pace that I exist in the Giardino di Carmelo - I believe in this Peace - there is no deceit in this Peace. There can be no deceit because my instinct feels it and you know that my instinct is hardly wrong. So I feel this Peace and my Peace feels me. I love my Peace and my Peace loves me. We are in love with each other.🤗 And I love being in love with Peace🤗♥️🤗 - madly in love with each other - I am not the only one! Mio Carmelo Pace loves me with equal fervour!!!💖💖

And so when I die please allow me to be buried in Peace and a piece of Peace buried in me. That's the kind of death I want Lord. But you never give what we want but what we need. So if you feel that I need Peace and Peace needs me, please Lord let your will be done! Let my Carmel Peace miss me!😇👏😇

Il Mio Amore Carmelo❤️

"You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life, and it is they that bear witness about me, yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life." (John 5)

Dear DLL Jesus,

The Israelites refused to come to you even after reading the Scriptures. But Lord I found you only when I started reading the Scriptures. Even though I am repeating myself but it was in 2010 that I found you and started loving you after joining the Bible study course. It was in the writings of St. Paul that I found you and started loving you.

And loving you has become a part of my life now - I can't imagine my life without loving you - my life is nothing without your love in it. 

And then the Carmel Peace, the Carmel Love ❤️ has found a special place in my heart - this Carmel Love, my love, il mio amore, was always there existing somewhere - it was dormant but has become active now - the volcano of Il Mio Amore Carmelo has erupted!🤗 The lava, the love, is everywhere.🤗

It is the most beautiful aspect of my life - Il Mio Amore Carmelo - what a beautiful name I thought of just now! That's the story of my life - you, me, and Il Mio Amore Carmelo❤️❤️

Sin no more.......

Dear DLL Jesus,

This is another verse that you tell me now.

Now that I am so close to you and so much in love with you, you keep whispering these words to me all the time. You make sure that I am not falling into any new sins because you know that I am vulnerable and likely to fall again and again. That's why these dark nights of the soul.

So Lord I implore you to not take away from my heart my Carmel Peace. I know that you have given my Carmel Peace so that I sin no more - nothing worse happens to me - let Carmel Peace soothe my heart and soul.