I am that Sinner

Thank you my dear DLL Jesus for coming to call this sinner!🙏😥🙏 Because last night when I went to sleep happily after reading and writing eight chapters of the book SOS, something whispered to me that I am just a wildflower that is pushing itself in vain through the recesses of Carmel.😥 It said that there are no recesses in Carmel and I can't get inside without the watchful eyes of the Gardener. The Gardener will not allow such a wildflower to grow amidst the other beautiful flowers. The voice told me that I should not compete with them as they are of the highest order and I am of the third order. So I should remember my place and not thrive to be where I don't belong. I cried a lot when it said that I am just an ordinary friend of yours and the Little Flower is the spouse. There can be no comparison between a friend and a spouse as there can be many friends but only one spouse. I cried bitterly when I heard this. I am again crying while writing this.😥 The voice managed to plant the seeds of doubt in my head but I knew who it was. I felt like Eve alone in the garden of Eden. I realized that just because I am trying to be good by reading the inspirational life of the Little Flower such doubts are been planted in my head and heart. I cried for almost four hours before falling asleep. 

I thought I will not be able to wake up early to go to church. But you made it possible for me. Thank you so much, Lord! So when I reached for the Lauds in a sombre state of mind, you gave me your words of love and assurance in the Canticle taken from Ezekiel 36: 24 - 28. 

I will take you away from among the nations, gather you from all the lands, and bring you back to your own soil.

I will sprinkle clean water over you to make you clean; from all your impurities and from all your idols I will cleanse you.

I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

I will put my spirit within you so that you walk in my statutes, observe my ordinances, and keep them.

You will live in the land I gave to your ancestors; you will be my people, and I will be your God.

Immediately I got my answer and all my doubts vanished. I was assured of your love for me.😥 Then you doubled your love and assurance through the words in the Gospel according to St. Luke 5: 32 (image attached). I was in tears and thanked you for your words of love.💕 

So what if I am not your spouse, I will always love you as my friend. I need you because you have come to call me, the sinner. When I was living a life of darkness it was you who called me to your everlasting light. You always knew me right from my mother's womb. I did not know you but you always knew me. Thank you for knowing me and calling me. I am privileged to be on your friend list. I will forever be grateful for your friendship. So what if I can not be your spouse? 

But wait a minute, are you not my heavenly spouse? I am sure you are. I will do some concrete research on this and come back soon.🤗 Meanwhile I will not read SOS anymore before I get solid proof of being your spouse.🤗