My Emotions

There's a lot on my mind that I want to write about.

I would like to write to you about the way I cried during the Eucharistic celebration yesterday. All was going well until the time the priest said "let us also remember our brothers and sisters who have gone before us......." This made me think of Minnie which brought tears to my eyes. Then immediately I remembered that it was my conception day and how my mother had not wanted me. I cried uncontrollably when I remembered that she used to take pills to abort me. Fresh tears came in when I realized that it was you who saved me - took care of me in my mother's womb. So it was quite a teary Eucharistic celebration for me yesterday.

Then in the morning after I blogged about the miraculous trip to the Infant Jesus shrine last month, I thought of the look that I beheld in the eyes when we were told about the liking for girls and football. That look meant a lot of things but was difficult for me to comprehend. I guess it was a look of dissatisfaction. A why-are-you-telling-this kind of look. A no-need-to-tell-this kind of look. I don't know why today suddenly I remembered that look. That look was pretty intense. 

So this remembrance brought tears to my eyes while praying in the evening. I remembered my past and became sentimental thinking about how difficult it is to hide our emotions. I am someone who can't hide it at all whereas some people can control and hide their emotions so well even if they are sometimes taken off guard in life. You Lord have given some people such strong self-control. They will die but not give in to their sentiments and emotions. They will never allow their emotions to betray them even though they are dying inside. They have such strong self-control to stay away from anything that could destroy them. But I am just the opposite - always out of control - it is so difficult for me to hide my emotions. My emotions are all I have from the past.