My Quest for Peace💜

The Peace I searched for all my life,

The Peace I yearned for all my life,

The Peace that I thought wasn't born for me,

Suddenly stood smiling at me!!!

And thus the quest for my Peace came haunting back!

This Peace gladdens my heart and soul,

I found my Peace in the beauty of Carmel,

I yearn for my Peace every moment,

I love my Peace sent from heaven.

And thus the quest for my Peace comes haunting back!

My quest for my Peace has brought me Peace,

My quest for my Peace has given me life,

My quest for my Peace has been fulfilled,

My quest for my Peace has brought delight.

Follow You

From the moment I read these verses from today's Gospel, I have been wanting to write something about the word "immediately". 

From the time I got baptized in April 2001 till the time I started following you eventually, since the fag end of 2009, wasn't immediate. It took me so many years to leave my nets to follow you. The net entanglements became so drastic that I could have gotten strangled by it. But how could you allow that to happen to a child of yours whom you had saved in her mother's womb? You had definitely not saved me then to get entangled in the nets of my life. You had great plans for me - plans for my betterment and not destruction. 

So you allowed the nets to entangle me for a little while - only till I could handle it, realize the great love and friendship that you had to offer me and start following you!!!

I started following you after being saved by the nets in 2010 and left everything to be your sincere disciple. The nets still bother me but this time you have given me the grace to understand how to come out from the netty situations of my life. 

Here I am Lord, getting entangled in my nets practically every day, but the power of your love and friendship helps me to cut the tangles - it's not easy but it is also not impossible - it takes time to free myself but I can do all things in You who strengthens me!!!🤗

You are my Bestie Forever and I love ❤️  you a lot!!!

Mysore

One evening in September I was diligently working on my magazine when suddenly my mind got distracted when I heard the word Mysore on TV. I wanted to write a post about it.

It was on my mind for quite some time but I got busy with the new jewellery magazine work.

I had altogether forgotten about Mysore.

Then in Goa, I was reminded of Mysore again when it was told to us that either the council members' training session or the OCDS Congress will be held in Mysore.

The reason for my liking Mysore are two:

1) I visited it when I was a child.

2) There's a Carmelite seminary and monastery there.

So I have developed a strong liking for the place and I want to visit it all over again - looking forward to one of the two activities that will be conducted in Mysore.

Bestie Forever

Dear DLL Jesus,

You will be my Bestie Forever❤️💜❤️

I prefer it this way because all others are fake - trying to take advantage of my friendship - trying to outshine me in areas where there they have no business - and trying to grab the limelight with me, piggybacking upon me! So I have decided to call it quits as I have never been seeking friendship - that too a fake one!

As you are my Daddy Long Legs, I am going to read this book - yet again!🤭

Soon after this post, I am going to do it!!!😊😊

Thank you, Infant Jesus!🙏🏻

While in Mangalore, on the evening of 13 October, I said the evening prayers along with the Fathers in the chapel of their monastery. I was using their breviary. In it, I found a bookmark. It was a family consecration prayer to the Infant Jesus. I took one of the Father's permissions to keep it for myself. He willingly allowed it. I was very pleased.

Earlier that day I was crying near the statue of the Infant Jesus because nothing was going well. Everything was a mess. Googaa was jobless and not even trying anywhere. Goldie was at home not attending her college in Indore. There was a lot of frustration as they were not doing anything. Just wasting their time at home. So I prayed a lot and then cried a lot.

And then on 21 October, I started saying the family consecration prayer to Infant Jesus. Today I completed one month of praying that prayer. But everything started coming under control much before a month. 

First Goldie went to Indore on 3 November to give her exams. She decided to stay back for a month as she got someone generous to stay with.

Then Googaa got a job in Bhiwandi and started working on 15 November. They gave her accommodation as commuting would take time. So she is happily working now in Bhiwandi and also staying there happily.

Goldie is happily staying with her friend in Indore and enjoying her college life.

We both husband and wife are happy with each other and Milo. There's no more frustration and fights in the family. All are doing something constructive.

If these are not the miracles of the Infant Jesus, then what are they? 

Thank you so much, Infant Jesus, for all these miracles!!!🙏🏻

Forever indebted to you!🙏🏻

2023 Bible Diary

Today yet another beautiful thing happened to me - I got the Bible diary for 2023 - as you are well aware, I have written the reflections for February. I was told to write for January also as some priests could not do it at the last minute. So around 21 reflections are written by me for January.

And I am happy and surprised to see my name on the list of contributors - I am the only one among all the priests and brothers and cloistered nuns! 

Thank you, my dear DLL Jesus, for finding me worthy to write the reflections for the 2023 Bible diary.

Forever in Love ❤️ with You

Lord, after writing to you last night, I went to sleep rejoicing in your love!❤️  

Even though in pain, I slept well!🤗

Then today in the morning I again felt that excruciating pain while getting up from sleep. But I was scheduled to meet a different physiotherapist. She assured me that nothing was majorly wrong with me that could not be cured in five days! My pain is because of the aggressive throwball service that I did to save my community from losing miserably.🤭 

She also said that I can travel to Goa without my hand in a sling. I  just can't lift heavy things. 

So she has already started her treatment on me. And I can already feel the difference in my hand and shoulder. 

Thank you my daddy long legs, my DLL, for yet another miracle in my life - forever indebted to your mercy and grace - forever in love ❤️  with you!!!🤗🤗

St. John of the Cross

In today's OCDS meeting our Spiritual Assistant gave us a teaching on St. Joy of the Cross' "Spiritual Canticle - 4 - Union with God". 

There are two things that I liked about what he taught.

1) When St. John of the Cross was alone in that small cell, instead of falling into loneliness, he thought of Christ and wrote the Spiritual Canticle. So he said when we are lonely we must try to be in a union with God instead of getting into anything negative.

2) Most of the saints though rich in their spiritual life were mostly sickly people. Instead of cribbing about their health, they concentrated on their spiritual richness and thrived in doing everything for the Lord.

So my Lord Jesus Christ, I want to be like St. John of the Cross - in my loneliness instead of falling into negativity, I want to keep writing to you about my love for you. Your love will keep me spiritually and mentally fit even though I am going through this excruciating pain right now! I want to be like the saints and instead of complaining about my pain, I will rejoice in your love.

I love St. John of the Cross - his writings have always made me think. I have written this before also that he's someone whose writings  I understand - unlike a few others! Even though it is difficult for some, I can understand them so easily. I am more of a St. John of the Cross person!

I hate November!

I really hate November!😕

From the beginning of this month, I am getting this excruciating pain in my shoulder and right arm. No amount of medicine or physiotherapy is able to cure this. I am in too much pain.😥

And I have to travel to Goa for the OCDS Regional Meet.😔

Please be with me, Lord!🙏🏻

Be with all of us as the enemy is playing games with all of us. He's injuring us one by one. Yesterday someone fractured a leg and backed out. Another member will back out soon. Two of us have hand injuries. We really, really need you Lord to be with us.🙏🏻🙏🏻

 Then there's a Judas also in the group.😥

But with you with us, nothing is going to be wrong!🙏🏻

Be our guide and strength, Lord! 

Without you, nothing is possible and with you, nothing is impossible!!!🙏🏻🙏🏻

PS: According to my Facebook memories, it was today in 2019 that my fibrous problems started aggravating. So I really hate November!!!

Journalism Day

Today is National Journalism Day.

I guess I wanted to be a journalist since the day I started liking cricket and that cricketer!😜 And the realization that I could write! That was way back in 1992. Thus, my sole ambition in life was to be a sports journalist and meet that cricketer! I worked hard towards my goal.

So eventually when in 1997 I got the opportunity to be a trainee journalist with a daily newspaper, I went to Wankhede Stadium to interview my favourite cricketer - the love of my life then!🤭 But that interview shattered me to the core - his treatment of me as a journalist, that too to someone who was his greatest fan, was something I didn't like - his behaviour was a total put-off. He wanted to complete his interview in the car - so he gave me a lift in his car from Wankhede stadium to Elphistone Road - the place where he dropped me was so far from the railway station. So I had to walk a lot to go to the station. I didn't like this too a bit. Plus his cold attitude towards me was a total put-off. That was the last time I liked him. That was I suppose in October. 

This incident helped me to come out of my infatuation with him. Since then I have hated him as a cricketer. 

But I have always loved writing. But when my professional writing was being criticized I left that also. Then covid happened and we were in a lockdown. It was then in 2020 that I started writing only for the Lord. I realized that I was a different kind of writer - though I always loved writing, my writing was meant for a different genre. 

And then NAINEN happened and I began again as a professional writer! This gave me the confidence to begin my second innings as a professional writer. I even made a comeback to my favourite field of writing - the gems and the jewellery industry. And the rest, as they say, is history.🤗

So a very happy Journalism Day to me!🤗

Carmelite Saints

Today is the Feast of all Carmelite Saints - what a beautiful day!

The Second Antiphon of the Lauds touched me the most - "no eye has seen no ear has heard, what God has prepared for those who love him."

Thank you, my Lord, for such words of assurance.

Feeling so proud to be a Carmelite and surrounded by a plethora of beautiful Carmelite Saints. 

I exist.......

.......because I write!

And I always thought you didn't exist!

Now, that I know you exist,

I can't believe your existence!

My Emotions

There's a lot on my mind that I want to write about.

I would like to write to you about the way I cried during the Eucharistic celebration yesterday. All was going well until the time the priest said "let us also remember our brothers and sisters who have gone before us......." This made me think of Minnie which brought tears to my eyes. Then immediately I remembered that it was my conception day and how my mother had not wanted me. I cried uncontrollably when I remembered that she used to take pills to abort me. Fresh tears came in when I realized that it was you who saved me - took care of me in my mother's womb. So it was quite a teary Eucharistic celebration for me yesterday.

Then in the morning after I blogged about the miraculous trip to the Infant Jesus shrine last month, I thought of the look that I beheld in the eyes when we were told about the liking for girls and football. That look meant a lot of things but was difficult for me to comprehend. I guess it was a look of dissatisfaction. A why-are-you-telling-this kind of look. A no-need-to-tell-this kind of look. I don't know why today suddenly I remembered that look. That look was pretty intense. 

So this remembrance brought tears to my eyes while praying in the evening. I remembered my past and became sentimental thinking about how difficult it is to hide our emotions. I am someone who can't hide it at all whereas some people can control and hide their emotions so well even if they are sometimes taken off guard in life. You Lord have given some people such strong self-control. They will die but not give in to their sentiments and emotions. They will never allow their emotions to betray them even though they are dying inside. They have such strong self-control to stay away from anything that could destroy them. But I am just the opposite - always out of control - it is so difficult for me to hide my emotions. My emotions are all I have from the past.

Miraculous Infant Jesus

Today is the day, one month ago, on 12 October, the desire of my heart to visit the Infant Jesus Shrine at Mangalore got fulfilled. And what a miraculous trip it was!

Lord, you have your unique ways and plans for fulfilling desires.🤗

At first, when I was approached to be the MC, it was only myself who was travelling. So I was travelling alone by flight from Mumbai to Mangalore and back. But then suddenly someone else was travelling with me. So I booked train tickets from Mumbai. We would return by flight.

But suddenly that someone fell sick at the end moment and I was all alone again. So we cancelled my train tickets and booked flight tickets from Mumbai. We even rescheduled my return tickets from Mangalore so that I could go sightseeing and attend the Holy Eucharist that was to be celebrated by the Superior General at 5 pm. All these cancellations and rebooking of the flight shook us financially. But hubby was fine with it as my heart's desire was getting fulfilled.

Thus, on the morning of 12 October, I left home for the airport at around 8:15 AM to reach well on time. My boarding was at 11 a.m. I did not want an e-boarding pass because I wanted to preserve the paper boarding pass and use it as a bookmark. So in my stubbornness, I refused to do my web check-in.

So there we were happily going to the airport.

But the Mumbai traffic had a different plan that day. The roads were fully blocked. The car hardly moved. The traffic was so bad - for the first time in my life, I saw such a heavy traffic jam. The time ticked off but the car could not speed up. I started fighting with my hubby. I started crying. In my desperation, I agreed to do my web check-in. So the kids tried to check me in. But it was already closed. I could not be checked in. I was in tears again. I fought more. So Hubby was ready to cancel my morning ticket and rebook me for the evening flight. I almost agreed in my desperation to reach Mangalore to be the MC on 13 October. 

Then I started praying to the Infant Jesus. The one who is known for his miracles.

Then suddenly the first miracle took place - when the kids tried to again check me in online, they could do it. Voila, the check-in was done. I received my e-boarding pass. I had to go to gate no. 21 of the domestic airport. One hurdle was taken care of by the miraculous Infant Jesus.

It was almost 11 am and the boarding would start now. But I was still far from the airport. Then another miracle took place. The traffic picked speed and even we could speed up a bit. But again traffic at the signal from where we had to enter the airport terminal. Miraculously, it was a short one and finally, we were at the airport. 

I jumped out of the car. I showed up at the security with my e-boarding pass in hand and tears in my eyes. I pleaded to be let in first as my boarding had already started. I was allowed.

Once inside, I started running for gate no. 21. Luckily, I didn't have to run much - it was right in front. But still, I ran to cover up the time. With tears in my eyes and the suitcase in my hand, I ran frantically just like in the movies. 

Then again I pleaded at the baggage check-in to be allowed first as my boarding had already started. The people allowed me without making any fussing. 

At long last, I was in the queue to board my flight to Mangalore. My whole body was shivering and I was shedding tears of joy for being able to be there. It was possible all because of the miracle of the Infant Jesus. 

Suddenly I realized that I had left my handbag at the baggage counter. I rushed to get my handbag. I found it.

The queue was still not moving.

And then it started moving!!!

I was finally inside the aircraft.

I was thankful to my family for making it possible for me under the inspiration of the miraculous Infant Jesus! During the entire journey, I kept thanking Infant Jesus for making it possible for me.

And then I landed in Mangalore and drove to the famous and miraculous Infant Jesus Shrine. There I stood marvelling at the beauty of the shrine and thankful to Infant Jesus for fulfilling the desire of my heart!❤️  

The rest as they say is history. I have already written about it. 

11 November

11 November - an important day in my life!

This is the day I was conceived - the day the Lord decided to keep me alive! So forever indebted to you my Lord!😍

This is the day I was commissioned as an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion in 2012. Thank you, Lord, for finding me useful!🙏🏻

Thank you, Lord, for keeping me alive to love, serve and be with you!😇 Isn't this our mission in life?

This is the day you "set me apart before I was born, and called me by your grace". (Galatians 1:15)

Thank you so much, Lord! 

As per Psalm 139:13-16, "you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows them very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."

I am so grateful to you for keeping me alive and then calling me to be your own. For rescuing this lost sheep and rejoicing over it and carrying it on your shoulder.

I am indebted to you for shining your bright light in my dark life. You have lighted up my life with your love and mercy and grace!

And I love you so very much, Lord! I have never loved anyone the way I love you. It surpasses all my understanding. I used to hate it when people teased me because of my name and asked me whether I was a Christian. Now I feel so proud of my name because both our names start with the same alphabet J and we both have the same initials JC. I also feel proud to be a Christian and thus as per today's Gospel, I would love to lose my life to seek you! 

Carmelite Spiritual Heritage

Dear DLL Jesus,

I want to do this course on Carmelite Spiritual Heritage. 

But it's in Ryshivana Mangalore and spread over two months. So I can't be away from home for such a long time. But you can create a miracle if you want to.

So surrendering this desire of the heart into your hands!👏  

Please check my heart and mind and soul and if you feel I am ready for this, please give your consent.🙏🏻

Dedication of the Lateran Feast

Today is the Feast of the Dedication of the Lateran Basilica. The first part of the Invitatory Antiphon - "Christ is the spouse of the Church" and the Response to the Intercessions - "This is the house of God and the gate of heaven" had a great impact on me. It reminded me of one of the assignments I wrote in 2015 while I was doing my Catechists Training Course. It was about the Church as the people of God, the Body of Christ and the Temple of the Holy Spirit. 

After the Lauds, I pulled down my box file, with all my assignments in it. It has been getting dusty on the shelf. So I cleaned it and started reading my assignments. I was surprised to read my assignment - I have written about my body being the Church - and Jesus as the head of this body. I had written that I, the body, need to suffer with the head for my glorification! I have written about being the bride of  Christ as the Church is the bride of Christ.

OMG, I am really surprised at my understanding of the Church way back in 2015 itself. Honestly, this training did me a whole lot of good - it was the year I joined the OCDS on 3 December.😇 But I had forgotten about this - I need to live what I wrote - I need to remind myself every day - there are so many beautiful aspects that I need to rekindle in myself! 

So, I am going to rewrite the entire assignment from my perspective of what I am today because Christ is my heavenly spouse and my body is the house of God and the gate of heaven. Thank you, Jesus, for this divine enlightenment today and for reminding me who I am. 

St. Elizabeth of the Trinity

Today is the memorial of St. Elizabeth of the Trinity - the patron saint of our OCDS community. She has been largely instrumental in keeping me grounded in Carmel. Not by her writings but by her similarity with my life. 

To begin with, both of us are born in July. Both of our fathers have been in the defence forces and both were smokers and heavy drinkers. Both of us have a fiery temper and both of us love gardens. Both of us have been influenced by the writings of St. Paul and both of us feel close to Mary Magdalene. 

So initially, it was St. Elizabeth of the Trinity who motivated me to be a Carmelite. I did a lot of research on her and started loving Carmel and the idea of being a Carmelite. 

I owe my Carmel love and respect to her. 

If today I feel the honour and proud privilege of being a Carmelite, it is because of St. Elizabeth of the Trinity. 

But the reason I did not take her name as my religious name is that every other person was taking it. But most importantly, it is Mary Magdalene's love for Jesus that inspires me. Somehow the idea of being Jesus' Magdalene is what keeps me going in life. 

OCDS Presidentship

Dear DLL Jesus,

Today I complete one year of OCDS presidentship.🙏🏻

The journey so far has been quite good except for a few teething problems (lights being kept on after the weekly meetings) and one council member filled with ego!🙃

But I can handle all things in You who strengthens me!🙏🏻

So today I pray for the strength to carry on for two more years the responsibility that you have entrusted to me. 

I also pray that I don't make anyone fall into any kind of temptation because of me. Please Lord let no one fall into temptation because of me!🙏🏻 Let me not fall into any kind of temptation and even if I inevitably fall, give me the grace and strength to come back to you through repentance and realization. But let me not be the cause of anyone's sin.🙏🏻

Please Lord, please!!!🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

2012

Dear DLL Jesus,

After many days the evening is free as all work is done.

So I am sitting idly and wondering what to do.

For many days now I have been wanting to write about the year 2012. The year I became a catechist in June and an Extraordinary Minister of the Holy Communion in November. That was the year I started coming closer to you and started working from home. That was the year I also earned the most. So if 1988 is my favourite year from my childhood, then 2012 is my favourite year of adulthood. I am extremely sentimental about the year 2012.🤗

That's it? Oh, it was so quick to write! I thought that I would write more. Nevertheless, there are many blog posts from 2012. I just have to click on 2012 and all my posts will come cascading down. I am sure I blogged a lot in 2012.🤗

Hmmm, so let me just check what I wrote!!!🤭

Definitive Promise

Last year on this day, I along with ten others, took my Definitive Promise. I took the Final Vows to be faithful to the OCDS. I was so happy that I was overdressed for the occasion. And I was reprimanded for that.😔 But Lord, you know the heart of the people. When the world judges us externally, you judge us internally - you know us inside out. 

And you have always known what is in my heart - what goes on inside my heart for you - the kind of feelings I have for you!🤗

That's why three days immediately after this you made me the President of my OCDS community - the Secretary became the President!🙏 You exalted this humble Secretary to the highest level by making her the President - you truly know what goes on in my heart for you!❤️ 

But the role of the President is difficult, Lord. Almost every day I am reprimanded for something or the other - it goes on and on! But I won't give up - it is you who inspired the members to elect me as the President - you find me suitable for the role of the President. So Lord, bless me that I can do my job sincerely. Be my guide, Lord - be my strength and let me do the best according to my capabilities.🙏

Pretty in Purple💜

Today the church looked pretty in purple💜

And I prayed for a good death🙏

In the morning I read that today, way back in 1535 (most probably), St. Teresa of Avila left her home to join a Carmelite monastery - much against the wish of her father! Her father was upset about this!

This reminded me of my father who was upset with me when he read about my conversion in the marriage affidavit. He didn't want to sign them! He signed only when I removed that clause from the affidavit. That was in December 1999.

Without his knowledge, I got converted in April 2001.

But till his death in the very next year in April 2002, I did not tell him. I told no one. But I just went on in life without any closeness to you! I didn't feel anything for you!😥

But then how could you leave me lukewarm?🥰

Your magic started working on me🤗♥️🤗

It became so magical that here I am today, writing to you, my DLL or my Daddy Long Legs and I am your Judith, your Magdalene, who can't live a single moment without writing or conversing with you!🤗🤗

Thank you so much, Lord, for this transformation - for this beautiful life in you!❤️❤️

In your Kingdom, Lord

Dear DLL Jesus,

In today's All Saints Day homily, when the priest said that we all should aspire to be saints to live in God's Kingdom, the immediate thought that came to me was that "I am already in God's Kingdom"! And my heart rejoiced at that! 

From then on, I have been waiting to write about this thought that came to me today! After all, what is God's Kingdom? 

According to Rom 14:17, "Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we eat or drink, but of living a life of goodness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit." And I am not striving hard for this?

So Lord, am I not already living in your Kingdom? Am I not a Saint?