Yet again…

…I got an opportunity to distribute the Holy Eucharist along with Googaa yesterday. Like I had written earlier, though it was yet another beautiful experience, it wasn’t as beautiful as the first one. The overall setting was similar to the first one – our favorite priest celebrating the Eucharistic, I distributing the Communion and Googaa standing on my right with the paten – but something happened yesterday which somehow marred this fine-looking sight……….the unexpected chance given to me to read yesterday’s Reading!

Looks like the regular lectors didn’t turn out for yesterday’s (January 15) Eucharistic celebration. Since Googaa was to serve the mass, we reached church well ahead of time. While I was waiting for the mass to begin, someone I know approached me asking whether I could go ahead with the Reading. Since it’s not in me to say no for anything as far as the Lord is concerned, I said yes and started practicing. While practice reading, I guess, I did very well and was quite sure of myself. Following is what I read during the Celebration:

Reading 1 Heb 2:5-12

It was not to angels that God subjected the world to come,
of which we are speaking.
Instead, someone has testified somewhere:

What is man that you are mindful of him,
or the son of man that you care for him?
You made him for a little while lower than the angels;
you crowned him with glory and honor,
subjecting all things under his feet.

In “subjecting” all things to him,
he left nothing not “subject to him.”
Yet at present we do not see “all things subject to him,”
but we do see Jesus “crowned with glory and honor”
because he suffered death,
he who “for a little while” was made “lower than the angels,”
that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone.

For it was fitting that he,
for whom and through whom all things exist,
in bringing many children to glory,
should make the leader to their salvation perfect through suffering.
He who consecrates
and those who are being consecrated all have one origin.
Therefore, he is not ashamed to call them “brothers” saying:

I will proclaim your name to my brethren,
in the midst of the assembly I will praise you.

Responsorial Psalm PS 8:2ab and 5, 6-7, 8-9

R. You have given your Son rule over the works of your hands.

O LORD, our Lord,
how glorious is your name over all the earth!
What is man that you should be mindful of him,
or the son of man that you should care for him?

R. You have given your Son rule over the works of your hands.

You have made him little less than the angels,
and crowned him with glory and honor.
You have given him rule over the works of your hands,
putting all things under his feet.

R. You have given your Son rule over the works of your hands.

All sheep and oxen,
yes, and the beasts of the field,
The birds of the air, the fishes of the sea,
and whatever swims the paths of the seas.

R. You have given your Son rule over the works of your hands.

I read the First Reading and the Responsorial Psalm quite confidently and kept adjusting the microphone so that I could be audible enough. But suddenly after these two readings I just went blank. Total blank….I didn’t know what I was reading. I didn’t know what to do. In my blankness, I forgot to say “please stand for the gospel”…somebody from the Choir rescued me here by saying this to the congregation. I guess this was fair enough but instead of waiting for the Choir to sing “alleluia alleluia” and then finishing my last line of the reading, I went on reading. When I realized I had goofed up somewhere, I looked at the Choir. Somebody signaled me to stop so that they could sing and then I could proceed with my reading. Luckily I understood her signal and did exactly that. But overall, it turned out to be a bit embarrassing on the altar, reading in front of the entire congregation. When I came back on my seat, I saw one of the Choir members laughing at me. I reddened and felt hurt.

And that’s why though I and Googaa were together during the Communion, I wasn’t feeling all that excited. On top of that, a small piece of Holy Communion had fallen on the floor which I picked up and kept on the paten in Googaa’s hand. So, even though yesterday I got an opportunity to Read and distribute Communion with Googaa, it didn’t turn out to be all that happy. Goldie overheard some of the altar girls discussing among themselves that they couldn’t understand whatever I was reading. This too has dampened my spirit though Googaa and Goldie assured that there was no problem in my reading except that goof up. I am waiting for my feedback from the person who had asked me to do all the reading. Let’s see what she has to say about the overall performance.

Once in a while it occurs in my mind that I should also become a lector to gain confidence and improve my reading in front of the parishioners. Till date, I have read only four times – I read for the very first time in May 2010 when it was our Community’s turn to read the liturgy for that Sunday. I had done the Second Reading and it was a total flop show. The person who had read before me wasn’t of my height – she had happened to be shorter than me and so the microphone was well beyond my mouth – and while reading I went on reading in the same height without realizing that I should adjust the microphone according to my height. I wasn’t audible at all. I had felt extremely bad and was also given a negative feedback. I hadn’t got any more chances to read after that.

Then I got my second chance to read after a gap of two long years – I guess on 1st July, 2012 (not too sure of the date). Whatever, this time, as a Confirmation Catechist, I had to read the INTRODUCTION during the Rite of Acceptance of the Confirmation Candidates. This is what I read: “Today, we have the Rite of Acceptance for our Confirmation candidates who have gathered here. They are starting their spiritual journey for the preparation of being confirmed in the Faith. Let us as a Community extend our prayers to them during this celebration and in our daily lives, let us offer our support and understanding to them and make the presence of Christ visible to these young people”. It went on perfectly fine without any hiccups. I was told in advance to read it and so I had done my preparations.

Then I got my third chance to read on 30th November, 2012, during our St. Andrew Community feast. I had said the PRAYER OF THE FAITHFUL. This too went on fine and there was absolutely no problem here. These two readings had given me the confidence to say yes yesterday. I had started off confidently and the rest is history. I await my feedback. If it’s positive, I will try to become a lector otherwise I will never ever try reading again in my life. That’s for sure.

But after listening to yesterday’s incident, Golu encouraged me by saying that I shouldn’t feel let down. He said that at least I had the courage to say yes when none of the regular lectors were present and so I shouldn’t feel discouraged. Anyone else in my place would have said no when told to read at the last moment. He also said that I have been doing so many things in faith, so Jesus will bless me instead of chastising me. But it’s not in Jesus to chastise anyone. And so Golu has asked me to take heart. And he also said that if in the future, I find anymore smiling slyly at me for yesterday’s goof up, I shouldn’t feel bad and in fact, should forgive them all. So in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, I forgive the Choir members who were laughing at me yesterday. I forgive everyone…!