My life’s “Damascus Road” experience

From St. Paul himself we know that he was born at Tarsus in Cilicia (Acts 21:39), of a father who was a Roman citizen (Acts 22:26-28; cf. 16:37), in a family of tentmakers. Paul is variously referred to as the Apostle Paul or Saint Paul, also known as Saul of Tarsus. St. Paul was supposedly born AD 10 in Tarsus in Cilicia and died 67 in Rome. He is one of the early Christian missionary and theologian, who has been a lasting monument to the glory of God and a symbol of hope, resilience and strength – just like his namesake St. Paul’s Cathedral of London.

This post isn’t about St. Paul’s life – neither early nor after his conversion on the road to Damascus. This post is about me; after my conversion. It is my life’s “Damascus Road” experience.

Though like St. Paul I never persecuted any Christian at any point in my life, nevertheless, like him, my life took a major turn after my conversion. St. Paul, while walking on a road to Damascus was suddenly blinded by God’s light. In my case, I was tempted and blinded by Satan’s empty promises. Paul was converted from Judaism. I was converted from Hinduism. Like Paul, God never asked me, “Jubilee, why do you persecute me?” but while studying the chapter on “Paul the apostle” in my Bible study cell, I realized that God was telling me to give up my sinful life. Just as the above conversion of St. Paul is a major turning point of his life, similarly that brief “encounter” with Jesus during my Bible studies, is the exact point of conversion for me. Like Paul, from that one experience, nothing remained the same for me. I changed!!!!

I guess a lot of us have as dramatic a conversion experience as Paul had so many years ago. This one change in our lives can be just as dramatic as Paul’s.

Like St. Paul, my life too is a life grounded in faith and spirituality, NOW. But it wasn’t like this earlier. Like St. Paul who was once a Jewish Pharisee and later on became a great missionary of Christianity, I was a Hindu by birth and became a Christian after my marriage with a Roman Catholic. Like Paul (or Saul) who was a Jew of pure Hebrew descent, I was of so called “pure” Brahmin descent. My maiden surname was Mukherjee.

Though like St. Paul I am not one of the greatest contributors to Christianity and the most prominent personality of the New Testament, apart from Jesus, like him I have found my calling after my CONVERSION. Like St. Paul himself so beautifully put it: “Conversion is a change of mind and change of life, a turning towards God and a turning away from sin”. It’s my turn to change my mind and my life by turning towards God and turning away from sin.

As the Bible says that St. Paul’s conversion experience was an encounter with the resurrected Christ and it totally changed his whole life and thought; my recent encounter with Jesus is changing my whole life and thoughts. My “Damascus Road” experience is both my conversion and call. Coincidently, it happened on 25 January this year, the day Church celebrates the Feast of the Conversion of St. Paul.

Thinking back about my own conversion almost 11 years back (the change of religion – my conversion to the Catholic faith) experience, I guess initially I was highly skeptical of Christianity. My real conversion (the event that resulted in the transformation) took more than ten years. This new ‘conversion’ to Christianity is one of the most decisive landmarks in my life. Unlike others, I can fully appreciate the greatness of St. Paul’s conversion that has inspired me – twelve years back, in the Jubilee Year 2000; I started undergoing my adult catechism after getting married to a Roman Catholic. Then on 15th April, 2001, (Easter) I finally became a Christian. From a Bengali Brahmin I became a Roman Catholic.

Honestly, I wasn’t all that happy that day as I am today. Today I jump with joy at the slightest opportunity of serving the Lord and rejoice for been so close to Him. But at that time I didn’t have the same feelings. May be the circumstances…we were just thrown out of our in-laws house and we had no place of our own. We were staying at a friend’s place for few days and we had gone for this big occasion – my baptism – on Holy Saturday not-so-happy. There was no joy in our hearts but there was Jemimah – the messenger of peace – (my elder daughter) in my womb.

The kind of love and feelings I have today for Jesus Christ has taken a long time to come. Though I had no compunctions to go to church and attend mass, I wasn’t all that faithful to Jesus. The right kind of feelings was missing. I am sure it has taken me ten and half years to get that feeling of faith. I would pray, I would attend rosaries, I would attend mass, and I even enrolled myself in Bible study classes and became an animator in my SCC; but that feeling, that faith, that oneness with Jesus was still missing. I just lacked the right faith.

That right faith came to me around September 2010 when I actually started ‘speaking’ with Jesus. One day in ‘deep pain’ I looked towards the statue of Jesus in our bedroom and cried out, “Lord help me, I cannot take this pain anymore”. Praise the lord for listening to me and it was THE moment for me. I was born again. That was my calling. Jesus heard me and lifted me and embraced me in his outstretched arms. He washed all my ‘wounds’ by his blood and since then has kept me hidden (safe and sound) in his own wounds. I feel protected and loved in His embrace. He has uplifted me and kept me going during my trying times.

I’ll be forever grateful to Him for what He did for me that day. But when I found myself faltering again, while studying Paul’s conversion in my Bible class, I underwent the real ‘conversion’ again! Like St. Paul, I was transformed. It happened in January this year and since then I have grown in spirituality and my love for Jesus. His love has been magnified. Jesus again showed me how much He loves me and proved over and over again just how much.

I am glad NOW that Jesus came into my life eleven years back…I wasn’t glad THEN………..I believe had to go through the “Damascus” experience to realize this. After my baptism, I had to suffer so that my good Lord could exalt me. Hallelujah!