Happy Feast….

…to me! Yesterday I was exceptionally happy for various reasons but today I am extremely unhappy because of just one reason. In the morning I expressed my desire to go on ‘shopping’ and the moment I uttered these words, there was an outburst from him and there started a tirade of words. A long lecture ensued on how I should start thinking about ‘savings’ now. He felt I am just living for today and forgetting about tomorrow to which I lost my temper and said some things which, I am sure, I shouldn’t have but most of the things which I said, I am very sure, aren’t wrong at all.

I don’t know whether he remembers it or not, but all the so-called ‘savings’ which we have today, is only because of me. All the insurance policies, all the recurring accounts, the PPF accounts, are only because of me. I remember very well how he had burst out at me when I had opened our very first recurring account way back in 2003. He had said so many unpleasant things to me about it and when later on, he wanted a lump some amount to pursue his MBA, it was this recurring account of mine which had come to our rescue. Likewise, whenever there is any need of any lump some amount, it is our recurring accounts that have always come handy. I also remember getting a long lecture when I had opened our respective PPF accounts, when had I suggested about all the insurance policies and till date I have been chasing him for a retirement policy. So if someone sends me a plethora of sms’ saying that the primary objective of my life is shopping, then it hurts. It hurts real hard and tears roll down one’s eyes the way it is for me right now.

I am not a typical housewife who sits at home whole day and demands things from her husband. I work equally hard and some times harder than him but am not ready to give up my job because I know we need it and I also know it isn’t possible for him to run the show alone. So I try to be a help. I know my part-time salary isn’t much but it’s quite decent and it does matter every month. In the bargain if I buy few things for myself; in what way does it hurt anyone? Why should be my shopping be such a constant irritant for him? Neither am I blowing away a lot of hard cash nor am I spending on credit cards. I know my limitations and try to be well within it.

I wasn’t always like this. But of late for various reasons I like to keep myself happy through shopping. It keeps me psychologically high and my mind away from a lot of temptations. His trust on me is so much that I really dread doing anything behind his back and like to keep our relationship transparent. I like to keep him informed of whatever I do. I will not be able to hide anything from him. He also said that if I get a person who is willing to spend Rs. 10,000 on me every month on shopping, I will be too glad to go away with him. What a joke! Of late I had to wade through a lot of temptations but by a lot of ‘golmaal’ I was able to get away from it. If I had wanted, I could have gone ahead and brought forth a lot of harm on me as well as the family but I know I am not that kind of person. I don’t want to do anything which will take away the peace of the family and so, I don’t want to be anything other than what I am today. I have given up lot of things in my life for which I had shown a lot of desperateness. I have controlled a lot of my feelings and I am sure I will be able to curb the desire of shopping as well.

But what I like about today is that its Mother Mary’s birthday and I am sure she will help me to overcome everything. She knows why I am doing what I am doing and if she feels I am too much into shopping, I am sure she will see to it that I don’t shop beyond my means.

Today it’s also the birthday of one of my childhood friends from Bhilai whom I was able to locate through FB. So in the morning I called her up to wish and both of us were so very happy to hear each other’s voice after so many years. We were together in sixth standard. She couldn’t believe I had called up to wish her.

It is also my most favorite singer Asha Bhosle’s birthday so I am going to forget all my aches and pains for the day by listening to her songs through out the day today.

PS: I am feeling so very sad that I am trying to take refuge in coffee (after a long time)! My head as well as heart aches!!!

Happy Feast! May Mother Mary bless me on her birthday!