Carmelite monastery Goa

Last year on this day I had uploaded the pictures of the Carmelite monastery that I visited in Goa! Though I have not visited any other monasteries, I would like to believe that this is the most beautiful monastery in the world! 😍

How privileged I am to be a member of this Order! Thank you so much Lord for finding me worthy and making me a part of it through our Spiritual Assistant!

And I love its garden!

Out of all the saints of this Order, I feel closer to St. Elizabeth of the Trinity for three things:
- Her fiery temperament
- Defence background
- Love for gardening

No matter how great the others are, she's the one for me! 😍😍

My Window Garden

I have always loved two things in life - gardens and dogs!

Both have been my passion since childhood!

I tried keeping dogs at home but they are destructive; they chewed up everything at home! So I sent them to a farmhouse where they can freely chew on anything they want! I didn't allow them to destroy my home because I just love my home!

I have maintained my love for gardens because these plants only beautify everything around them; they don't destroy anything!

And so if at one hand I have become a dog hater, on the other hand, I still remain a garden lover! 😍

Allegiance to Christ!

Our Spiritual Director and other seniors always say that OCDS is not a pious association. OCDS is a commitment!

Commitment means "the state or qualify of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc". It also means "dedication, allegiance, loyalty, faithfulness, fidelity, bond, adherence, and attentiveness".

So, OCDS is all of the above and I am so priviledged to be a Secular Carmelite!

One word which is always used in OCDS is "allegiance" -- "allegiance to Christ" -- so what does this mean now?

Allegiance means loyalty or commitment to a superior or to a group or cause. So "allegiance to Christ" simply should mean "loyalty or commitment to Christ".

So, if OCDS is a commitment, and allegiance to Christ means commitment to Christ, OCDS simply should means "Commitment to Christ"!

So as a Carmelite my sole purpose is to be committed to Christ!!!

What can be more beautiful than this?

Jubilee Cardozo of St. Mary Magdalene

Right now I am reading the autobiography of the Carmelite saint, Saint Therese of Lisieux!

The more I read the more I am inspired to write my feelings for Jesus Christ!

Though my professional writings have always been ridiculed, I am sure that Jesus will never ridicule my writings for Him.

I will keep on writing all my feelings for Him as and when I get them.

My writings are my only way of expressing my love for Him.

PS: Hey, I just remembered something which has nothing to do with my writings!

But it has everything to do with me being a Secular Carmelite!

So what if I am not a religious Carmelite; when I entered my novitiate on 14 December 2016, I took the name of St. Mary Magdalene!

After completing my journey of OCDS Aspirancy, when I entered into the formal stage of formation, I was vested with the Scapular and began my Novitiate and I took the religious name of St. Mary Magdalene...the patron saint of converts (like me)...!!!

Oh yes, how could I forget this!

So my heart, rejoice at this beautiful remembrance -- my religious name is Jubilee Cardozo of St. Mary Magdalene!!!

Carmelite Saints

From the time I have joined OCDS, we have been constantly told to read books on the life of Carmelite saints. Since these books are not easily available, I have downloaded few from the internet.

Last week I tried reading "Ascent to Mount Carmel" by Carmelite Doctor of the Church, St. John of the Cross. I just managed to go through the introduction -- I couldn't understand much so I gave up.

Then I read some of the writings of women Carmelite saints. I was filled with jealousy because they addressed Jesus as their 'Beloved' and in some places as 'Heavenly Spouse'. I am jealous because how, I too, wish to call Jesus my 'beloved'. But I have an earthly spouse whom I need to love with a sincere heart. He's my 'beloved'.

Though I love Jesus above all things and above everyone else, it is my foremost duty to love my earthly spouse and daughters. For this reason, Jesus will be my friend -- my bestest friend! Or rather a family friend!

He will be an intimate family friend and I am sure when we do "Lord, Lord" He will take all four of us with Him to our heavenly home.

But the women saints calling Jesus with such love expressions really fills me with jealousy. I might not read books written by them -- I would rather prefer reading books written by men saints!

Nevertheless, yesterday again it occurred to me that if the Lord had to touch my heart during my childhood itself, who knows I might have been leading a religious life right now. Since I came to know Jesus only after my marriage I am sure my marriage to a Christian was just the Lord's way to call me into His marvellous light. He had surely known me since the time of my conception; it was just that He had to make known to me!

Since the time He has made Himself known to me, I am His beloved child...He's is that father and brother whom I never got in my life!

Monastic Life

Yesterday while I was reading the history of the Order of the Discalced Carmelites, I was seized by the desire to go back in time -- the times of St. Tesera of Avila, its foundress!

She founded a small, close community of women who dedicated themselves to intimate and contemplative prayer. And they lived in monasteries!

I wanted to be in one of those monasteries; praying all the time! Praying and contemplating on the word of the Lord!

Soon I realized that I too could be in a monastery; I need not travel time! I need not be in the literal structured monastery as my heart was my monastery!

I realized that I could switch myself off from the disturbances of the world and settle down in the monastery of my heart -- perhaps this is what even Jesus had meant when He said, "Go to your room, shut the door and pray to your Father in heaven". I realized that my heart is my room, my cell in the monastery! It is here that I need to pray and contemplate; confine myself in the interior of my heart.

I understood one more thing -- the meaning of St. Teresa's book "Interior Castle". Though I haven't read it and know not anything about its contents, I realized that by "interior castle" she must have meant the interior of our heart. I don't know; I am not sure but I would like to believe that!

PS: After I finished writing this thought, I came across something which had been told to us around a week back.

We were told that "our hearts should be our oratory -- a small place to withdraw from time to time". I had written it down in my notebook.

When I came across this again now, I immediately checked the meaning of oratory -- it means a small chapel, especially for private worship. How happy I am to know this!

So this sums up my desire to lead a monastic life -- I need not confine myself within the walls of a structured monastery like the cloistered Carmelite nuns. As a secular Carmelite, I am to live in my heart's monastery and withdraw myself to its oratory from time to time to pray, contemplate and have an intimate relationship with Jesus!

Oh what an enlightening thought from the Lord! Thank you, Jesus!

Pain is temporary...

Prayers on her lips
Tears in her eyes
She loves Him with a faithful heart...


On a moonlit night
In the serene yard
Sits a solitary figure
Musing on her troubled past...


She vanishes into nothingness with her thousand unfulfilled dreams...
He stops her from fading away!
She's His most cherished dream!


Forlorn eyes, forlorn dreams
Pair of forlorn eyes look into the forlorn past!


Her eyes look for Him in the crowd...
Her heart cries in pain!
He turns away in sorrow,
Her world crumbles down again!

I BELIEVE IN THE HOLY SPIRIT

I am currently reading the ‘Catechism of the Catholic Church’ (now for the nth time) and reached the part which says I BELIEVE IN THE HOLY SPIRIT (page no. 139).

It says – “Knowledge of faith is possible only in the Holy Spirit: to be in touch with Christ, we must first have been touched by the Holy Spirit. He comes to meet us and kindles faith in us. By virtue of our Baptism, the first sacrament of the faith, the Holy Spirit in the Church communicates to us, intimately and personally…”

Well, I have read this before but this time something stirred within me! Perhaps the Holy Spirit Himself – reminding me to be grateful to Him for this closeness with Jesus. For this love and faithfulness for Jesus!

This reminder comes to me when the seventeenth anniversary of my Baptism is just two days away!

Immediately, I thought of the book that I read on Holy Spirit and the blog I posted.

Here’s an excerpt from my blog post back in 2010 when I discovered the Holy Spirit.

Again, what a Divine Providence! It was around the same time in April!

Excerpts from my blog post:
http://jubileecardozo.blogspot.in/2010/04/we-have-discovered-holy-spirit.html

But I didn’t know about the power and grace of the Holy Spirit till recently. I didn’t even know that I had to believe in the Holy Spirit. A not-that-old Roman Catholic, (I was converted to Christianity in 2001); I didn’t know I had to believe in the power of the Holy Spirit. As told during my catechism classes, I just prayed to Jesus Christ and was very happy basking in His glory. But Holy Spirit had to be brought into my life just as Jesus Christ had been brought into my life as destined.


It was on 9th April, 2010, that I went to Jason’s auntie’s place for some work. She gave me a book titled GOOD MORNING, HOLY SPIRIT written by Benny Hinn. While giving me the book, she told me that not everybody can get to read this book. She had lent this book to a lot of people but not everybody could read it. Most of the people returned the book unread as one needed the grace of the Holy Spirit to read this book. So by the grace of the Holy Spirit, I started reading this book on 12th April, 2010, and am on the verge of finishing it any day. So, may I take the liberty of saying that I was destined to read this book and be touched by the Holy Spirit? How lucky and blessed I am!

Gardening

I have always loved gardening.

Dogs and plants have always been my weakness and right from my childhood, I could not do anything about these two.

My father would not allow dogs at home and I had no money of my own to buy plants.

In Bhilai Sector 5 we lived in a quarter where there was a huge place both in the front and back of the house to grow plants. But my father never ever showed any interest in gardening. I was a child then and so I could do nothing about it. But as I loved plants, I would grow anything that was given free to me by my neighbour who had a beautiful garden - in the front as well as the backyard. They also participated in Bhilai Garden Show and always won. They had a dog also! So I would always be with my neighbour's dog and water their plants - as I loved doing that! Then I would bring some small plants from them and try to grow in my so called garden. Then I would water these plants and satiate my love for gardening.

Then we shifted to a place called Durgapur where again I started growing few plants - I guess mostly jasmine. It was an extremely small patch near a tap! By the time they started flowering I had to move on again. This time to Vasai.

We lived in a small flat in Vasai and so the window was all I had to grow plants. I managed to keep few pots but while watering, the water would fall on the window of the people living below us. She fought with us for this and my father threw away all my plants! That was the end of my gardening.

Then I got married and life really kept me busy with other things. Gardening took a backseat but still I bought few plants here and there once in a while but I couldn't manage them. So all my plants died and so did my spirit for gardening.

But the gardener in me has again kindled the passion for gardening and I have again bought a lot of indoor plants now. I am really enthusiastic about plants like the way I was in Bhilai and I am trying to take good care of them. I talk to them and water them and I really hope that at long last I will be successful in achieving my goal of a small garden for myself.

Let me start again...

I have reached an age where I can focus on my career all over again.

Though I have never been a career-oriented person and my family has always been my priority, right now I am at such a phase in my life that I can focus on my career all over again. I know that my kids are not crying for me at home. They are neither at the crèche nor are they waiting for me to help them in their homework.

My kids are in their teens now and manage things on their own – they do their own homework, they have friends with whom they chat online and talk over the phone – mommy is not somebody they turn to for everything! But I am always there for them.

So, let me iterate – let me take a fresh look at my career and focus on it – let me achieve something that I could not earlier.

I have realized that I am a late bloomer in some of the things in life but what the heck!

It’s never too late - Let me start again!

Plateaus & Plato

People keep asking me what I do for a living.

Well, my answer to them is that I breathe, I eat, and I sleep. I repeat this day in and day out. Isn’t that required for living as I am a living being?

And I also love being at home.

I have always loved being at home because I am a homebody. Right from the beginning of my life I have enjoyed being at home. Even now I prefer spending most of my time in the familiar environs of my home than somewhere outside. It takes a lot of my efforts and cajoling to be seen out there doing something. That’s the reason I never went out of my way to get even my passport done until recently. I love being in my own country, with the people I know. I would be lost in unfamiliar surroundings.

It is because of this homebody tendency that I prefer working out of home. It was a great struggle for me to be working as a full time professional. Consciously, I would pick up low profile jobs which didn’t demand much of my time outside home. I got working not out of ambition and passion but financial independence as I didn’t want to be a burden on anyone. When kids came in my life, they became the reason to be home on time – I would hate anyone or anything stopping me after official hours. As I have mentioned many times before, I sacrificed jobs to be with them and in the place I loved.

Even as a student, I had my own preferences. May be the homebody in me liked to study the subjects that I really loved. I would prefer reading about plateaus and Plato instead of pentagons, polygons and Pythagorean theorems. This earned me the wrath of many teachers but I was fine with it as I always knew where I had my heart lingering and I was happy in my own small world and have always been. Historical characters and geographical conditions interested me more than the mathematical calculations and scientific names of plants and animals.

I never had any lofty ambitions of making it big in the corporate world.

I love doing what makes me happy and being at home is what does the trick.