How can I love you more, Lord?

Dear DLL Jesus, 

The more I read, the more I wonder. I wonder why only the love of religious men and women, that they bore in their hearts for you, is highlighted especially when they were canonized.😥 Their love for you is highlighted in their writings. 

Why the love of simple lay people, especially women, is not highlighted? Why our writings are not highlighted? I refuse to believe that there has been no ordinary married woman who has loved you wholeheartedly and dedicated her entire life to you - giving up all her vices and deciding to follow you all her life.😥

Your Jubbu is one such married woman who gave up all worldly ways to listen to your voice and dedicated her life to you. I came to know you as a married woman. I have created a world where you have been given priority in whatever I do and I try to do everything as per your will. I have adjusted my life in such a way that I can give first place to you in whatever I do. I am trying to grow in my love for you by reading, writing and studying more about you. Just because I have an earthly spouse doesn't mean that I love you less. In fact, I have even told my earthly spouse that I love you more than him and he's perfectly alright with it. He's happy that I love you more than I love him. 

So I want to ask you whether my love for you is any less than any unmarried religious woman? Do I love you less than them? What more should I do to love you like them? Are you happy with the way I love you? How can I love you more, Lord? Why can't my name be added to the list of women who loved you wholeheartedly; who walked with you when you were here on earth? 

I ask again - what should I do Lord to love you more?😥 Are you happy with my love? Is it enough?

Lord, will you please do it?

"If you ask me for anything in my name, I will do it."

Dear DLL Jesus,

The above verse is from today's gospel, the last line, taken from St. John. My heart is overwhelmed nowadays because of your words of assurance in all the readings. 

Thus today I dare to ask you for Carmel Peace - all for myself!!! Lord, will you please do it? Give me my Carmel Peace forever and ever - without any hesitation and hindrance and reservation - will you please keep my Carmel Peace always close to my heart❤️ because I have always yearned for my Peace of heart and I did not have the slightest inkling that I will ever find my Peace - my Piece - in Carmel and you know very well what that Peace means to me - does to me - all my life I was wandering after the wrong Peace!😥

And now that I have found the right Peace, let it be always mine. Let no one with their charmth and warmth try to snatch this Peaceful Peace from me - it is my peaceful world and it means the world to me.🤗

So, Lord, I ask my Carmel Peace in your name - please let this Peace be given to me till eternity and my Carmel Peace be also made known about the love I bear in my heart ❤️ even though I know, I can actually feel, that my Carmel Peace too knows that I bring love and peace!🤗 

Please Lord please do it for me and my Carmel Peace - this peacefulness - I ask in your name!🙏 Lord, will you please do it?

Wanderlust

"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand."

Dear DLL Jesus,

These verses are from today's gospel and they have always been my favourite.🤗 I am so very thankful to you for your words of assurance. Let no one snatch me from your hand 👏 - please keep me hidden in you and your love 💕 Please keep me away from the worldly pleasures - let me not get distracted by the world - you and my Carmel Peace are my worlds - let me always be in these two places.

Let me always hear your voice and feel secure that I am close to you - I don't want anything else!😥 Only you suffice - and my Carmel Peace that you have given me!🤗 Let me travel to all those places where Carmel Peace exists - I did not know that I liked travelling so much. In fact, I want to travel to only those places where Carmel exists. I am amazed to realize that all the places where Carmel exists are so beautiful. No wonder then the meaning of Carmel is "a beautiful garden" - every monastery and every spirituality centre has such beautiful names and beautiful gardens - filled with the beauty of nature and there's always a river flowing close by!🤗 What a privilege to live in the lap of nature!🤗

So Lord I want to travel to these beautiful places at least once in my life. I did not know I had this wanderlust in me!🤗

In Your Time.......

Dear DLL Jesus,

While looking at some of the church photos in Mangalore, I realized yet again, that I had not been inside any of your churches during my childhood years in Bhilai and Durgapur. I don't even know the names of any churches in both these places. But that doesn't mean that these places don't have any churches.

The first church or rather a Mass that I ever attended was in Vasai. It was a Sunday evening and I had gone with our new neighbour. It was not a proper church at the junction of two roads. I think it was some kind of grotto where the Mass was celebrated. People just gathered at the corner of the two roads. They kept standing during the entire Mass.

And I couldn't stand for so long and thus fainted. I don't know which month it was but it was certainly after the SSC exams and I had a lot of holidays and so went for the Mass with the new girl I had befriended. 

Recently when I was recalling this incident of fainting, I felt like Nathaniel under the fig tree. I have even written about it to you that how after so many years when I think of that incident I feel like Nathaniel whom you saw under the fig tree. You had seen me during that fainting incident and must have felt bad for me and so made me your own.🤭 Or may be you had known me right from my mother's womb and that Sunday just wanted me to attend my first Mass. And you made it memorable by causing that fainting incident.🤭 I don't know - it's you who knows everything!

But the long and short of this conversation is that in my childhood years I had never been inside a church! What a loss because all churches are so beautiful - indeed your Bride - and that's the reason so decked up for her Bridegroom!🤗

Yet again the same question arises in my heart - why was I not given my Carmel Peace earlier than the time I got it?

I have the answer as well - "In your time, you make all things beautiful in your time."😥

Guide me, Holy Spirit!

"Do you understand what you are reading?" And he said, "How can I, unless someone guides me?"

Dear DLL Jesus,

These verses from the Acts of the Apostles Chapter 8 describe the story of my life right now. There are so many things about you that I keep reading all the time but unless someone guides me properly how will I understand them all. The deep meaning hidden in the layers of the Scriptures that are not at all fathomable when we read them for the first time. There are many layers to these verses that apparently seem easy but are not - that's why I have always wanted to do an in-depth study of the Bible - as it is a treasure trove!

Finally you are opening this treasure trove to me by fulfilling the desire of my heart through the online "Bible Theology and Biblical Spirituality" certificate course from St. Peter's Pontifical Institute, Bengaluru.🤗 This course begins from June.

And then in July and November I will be at Dhyanavana, Mysuru, to attend a plethora of courses.🤗 I am so very excited and looking forward to doing those courses. 

I will be sitting and staying and also praying at one of the most beautiful places that fall under the KG Province and that has been blessed by the presence of Spirit-filled Carmel Peace.😇 

That's why when Fr. Walter took up these same verses for his reflection during the Holy Eucharist, I listened to him attentively. He said that we must pray for the Spirit to guide us to understand these Scriptures because Jesus himself has appointed the Holy Spirit as our guide and advocate. 

So Lord I pray that the Holy Spirit guides me during my studies online as well as at the beautiful Dhyanavana to meditate upon your words and understand them accordingly. May I not be in a dreamland🤭 especially in November!!!🤭

Your House, Your Home!

Dear DLL Jesus,

Today I have a lot to tell you.

Firstly, I am very happy to see this photo from 2010 come up on Facebook memory. How beautiful and innocent they both were 13 years ago! They still are but sadly the same attachment is missing!😥 But they are the best - never troubled us - no complaints ever from the school or the creche or the neighbours when they played in the garden! Till today we don't face such problems.🙏 So they are the best girls you have given us. Thank you so much, Lord!

"Thank you for the sun and moon" - that's what today's recessional hymn was!😇

I also want to focus on the response to today's Psalm - "There is one thing I ask of the Lord, to live in the house of the Lord." Please Lord let me always live in your house and study to grow in my loving relationship with you and feel secure in your house. I don't want to be anywhere else.

And that's the reason even our house is not getting sold even after so many attempts since 2014 - because it has been blessed by you during the vision that I saw in Tabor in 2013.🙏 That's what even the first reading is all about - "If the message is of human origin, it will fail. If the project or action is from God, then nothing can destroy it." The words of Gamaliel to the Sanhedrin. And I passed on this message to hubby as well who is trying to sell off the house.😥

I am so convinced that I will not be going anywhere from this house as you have blessed it and sprinkled your precious blood all over the place!🙏😇🙏 And this is your house, your home and I welcome you today and tomorrow and always! Please stay with us in this house and never leave us and please don't allow us to leave it - let us all stay together happily ever after!!!🤗🤗

Eight Months Without Minnie😥

Dear DLL Jesus,

Today is the eighth month without Minnie!😥 So I wanted to offer flowers to her. But I had forgotten to buy them yesterday. So in the morning while coming back from the church I looked at every corner to see whether any flower vendor was sitting. But none were there. I was desperate to offer flowers to Minnie because, for the last two months, I have not done so. In February I was travelling back from Mangalore and in March it skipped my mind as it was a Sunday.😥 So today I had to offer flowers to her.😥

So in desperation, I plucked the white vinca flowers from the building plant even though I don't like them. I never liked them.

In 2020 when my blogging was at its peak, I posted about the white vinca plant in my so-called garden in Bhilai. 

This is what I had written:

"There was this drought-tolerant plant near the kitchen window. I was quite indifferent to it as I didn’t like its icy-white flowers. But I am sure I must have watered it every evening. I guess it survived my indifference because the White Vincas love the sun and are low-maintenance plants. These vigorous bloomers form drifts of snowy blooms all summer long. They are resistant to shade, heat, humidity, drought, and insect pests. I remember the White Vinca from Bhilai because of its density and ground-hugging height. It was taller than me in 1988."

🤭🤭 

So today these white vinca flowers from my childhood days in Bhilai came to my rescue.😥